--- canonical: "https://ramayana.com/did-ravan-love-sita" lang: "en" --- # Did Ravan love Sita? Ravan’s desire for Mata Sita did not show the care and respect that love requires. He held her captive, threatened her life and refused to accept her answer. Mata Sita rejected his demands. In the accounts of Maharshi Valmiki and Goswami Tulsidas, she remains devoted to Shri Ram. ## What Ravan said to Mata Sita in the Valmiki Ramayana Ravan speaks of his longing in Sundara Kanda: > कामये त्वां विशालाक्षि बहु मन्यस्व मां प्रिये । > सर्वाङ्गगुणसम्पन्ने सर्वलोकमनोहरे ॥ ३ ॥ > Valmiki Ramayana, Sundara Kanda, Sarga 20, Shloka 3 “I desire you, O large-eyed lady. Hold me in high esteem, beloved one, endowed with every bodily excellence and charming to all.” The word *कामये* means “I desire”. It expresses Ravan’s longing. His conduct when Mata Sita refuses him shows the nature of that desire. In Sarga 20, Shloka 6, he promises that he will not touch her against her will, despite his desire. Mata Sita places a blade of grass between them and replies: > तृणमन्तरतः कृत्वा प्रत्युवाच शुचिस्मिता । > निवर्तय मनो मत्तः स्वजने प्रीयतां मनः ॥ ३ ॥ > Valmiki Ramayana, Sundara Kanda, Sarga 21, Shloka 3 “Placing a blade of grass between them, she replied: Turn your mind away from me. Let your affection rest upon your own wives.” Her refusal is clear. In Sarga 21, Shloka 7, she tells him to follow righteous conduct and protect the wives of others as he protects his own. She calls him to fulfil his duty and abandon his pursuit. In Sarga 22, Shlokas 8 and 9, Ravan says that two months remain of the time he has allowed her. He demands that she accept him as her husband and threatens to have her killed if she refuses. Such a threat gives her wishes no place. ## Why Ravan did not force Mata Sita His promise can appear to show restraint. In Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 13, Ravan gives his reason. He recounts Brahma’s curse: > अद्यप्रभृति यामन्यां बलान्नारीं गमिष्यसि । > तदा ते शतधा मूर्धा फलिष्यति न संशयः ॥ १४ ॥ > Valmiki Ramayana, Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 13, Shloka 14 “From this day, if you violate another woman by force, your head will split into a hundred pieces. There is no doubt about this.” He then explains why he has not subjected Mata Sita to sexual violence: > इत्यहं तस्य शापस्य भीतः प्रसभमेव ताम् । > नारोहये बलात् सीतां वैदेहीं शयने शुभे ॥ १५ ॥ > Valmiki Ramayana, Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 13, Shloka 15 “Afraid of his curse, I do not force Sita, the princess of Videha, onto my bed.” Ravan names fear of the curse as his reason. His words give us no grounds to treat this restraint as proof of love. He continued to hold Mata Sita captive and threaten her life, denying her the freedom to return to Shri Ram. ## The Ramcharitmanas shows persuasion turning into threats In Ashok Vatika, Goswami Tulsidas describes Ravan trying friendly words, gifts, fear and efforts to weaken Mata Sita’s loyalty. He promises to make Mandodari and his other queens her attendants if she will look towards him. > तव अनुचरीं करउँ पन मोरा। एक बार बिलोकु मम ओरा॥ > तृन धरि ओट कहति बैदेही। सुमिरि अवधपति परम सनेही॥३॥ > Ramcharitmanas, Sunderkand, Doha 9, Chaupai 3 “I pledge to make them your attendants. Look towards me once. Placing a blade of grass as a screen, Mata Sita speaks while remembering Shri Ram, the deeply loving Lord of Ayodhya.” Mata Sita uses the grass as a screen while addressing Ravan. Her thoughts remain with Shri Ram. The promise of royal attendants does not change her answer. In the passage at Doha 10, Ravan threatens her with his sword, Chandrahas. Mata Sita remains firm and addresses the sword, asking it to end her anguish of separation from Shri Ram. Ravan rushes forward to kill her, but Mandodari intervenes with counsel. He then orders the demonesses to frighten her and sets a deadline: > मास दिवस महुँ कहा न माना। तौ मैं मारबि काढ़ि कृपाना॥५॥ > Ramcharitmanas, Sunderkand, Doha 10, Chaupai 5 “If she does not obey within a month, I will draw my sword and kill her.” The deadlines differ. Maharshi Valmiki records two months remaining, while Goswami Tulsidas gives one month. In both accounts, Mata Sita refuses despite the threat of death. An earlier passage describes Ravan’s inward response to her rebuke: > जिमि हरिबधुहि छुद्र सस चाहा। भएसि कालबस निसिचर नाहा॥ > सुनत बचन दससीस रिसाना। मन महुँ चरन बंदि सुख माना॥८॥ > Ramcharitmanas, Aranya Kand, Doha 28, Chaupai 8 “As a lowly hare desires a lion’s mate, so, king of demons, you have fallen under death’s power. Hearing these words, Ravan grows angry, yet inwardly bows at her feet and feels joy.” Goswami Tulsidas describes an inward act of reverence even as Ravan grows angry. This bow does not establish that his pursuit was loving. He proceeds to carry her away against her will. ## Desire seeks possession and love honours the person Strong feeling alone cannot establish love. Love asks us to care about the other person’s wishes, especially when they differ from our own. For example, imagine arranging a birthday meal for a family member who asks to spend the evening resting. We have bought ingredients and invited guests, so we feel disappointed. If we insist that the person attend to protect our pride, we place our wishes above their need for rest. Small moments like this give us a chance to practise listening. Ravan’s conduct shows the harm of allowing desire and pride to overrule another person’s wishes. When someone declines a request today, pause before pressing again. Listen to their answer, remember Shri Ram and respond with care. ## Questions people ask ### Did Ravan love Sita? Ravan desired Mata Sita and demanded that she accept him. Holding her captive and threatening her life contradict the care and respect that love requires. ### Did Ravan touch Sita? Yes. The Valmiki Ramayana, Aranya Kanda, Sarga 49, Shloka 17, describes him seizing her during the abduction. His later promise concerns unwanted intimacy. The Ramcharitmanas describes him placing Sita in his chariot. It also explains earlier, in Aranya Kand, Doha 24, Chaupai 2, that Mata Sita had entered the fire, leaving her shadow form in her place. ### Why did Sita hold a blade of grass? Mata Sita placed it between herself and Ravan while speaking to him. The Ramcharitmanas describes it as a screen. She rejected his pursuit while remembering Shri Ram. ### What curse stopped Ravan? In Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 13, Ravan recounts Brahma’s curse that his head would split into a hundred pieces if he subjected another woman to sexual violence. He says that fear of this curse kept him from forcing Mata Sita onto his bed. ### Did Sita ever accept Ravan? No. Mata Sita told Ravan to turn his mind away from her. Neither his promises nor his threats changed her refusal. ## Read it yourself Read [Sunderkand](/sunderkand), explore [Ravan](/characters/ravan), and continue with [Why did Ravan kidnap Sita?](/why-did-ravan-kidnap-sita) and the [Valmiki Ramayana](/valmiki-ramayana). --- Ramayana.com, a free, ad-free project of Ved Vyas Foundation.